I like unhealthy food. Until my metabolism crashes like a Kennedy plane I intend to stuff my face. Either join me or eat something that grew out of the ground, but don't expect me to care about the cholesterol or trans-fats present in my food.
Unfortunately, my roommates are engaged in a full-scale war to suppress my cultural heritage and turn me into a vegetable eater. Rather than engage in direct warfare, I have elected guerrilla tactics. I grudgingly eat spinach glazed carrots or whatever and then throw together three different types of crème brûlée (Side note: that was a great weekend). Miss Marple may have grown wise to my tactics, but that doesn't stop her from going for a second slice of pie.
Brownie
The perfect brownie is thick and chewy. I dislike bitter chocolate flavors, so milk or semi-sweet chocolate will factor in heavily. The top is thin and crinkled. Most importantly, the perfect brownie comes from the exact center of the pan, gooey with no well done edges.
Cake
I belong to both camps. On the one hand, I love soft, pillowy, lightly-flavored cakes. Angel food cake can be transcendent if you don't buy it from the store. On the other hand, a chocolate cake should be so thick and dense it borders on brownie territory. In the second case frosting is essential. Fillings are always acceptable, especially a chilled custard. Now that I think about it, the perfect cake is probably a chocolate doberge cake. If you don't know what that is, leave.
Candy
Despite what members of the Gaggle might tell you, I don't enjoy anything throat-searingly sweet. I also dislike one-note desserts. It's why I'm not a fan of pralines; they're buttery brown sugar. That's certainly tasty, but I think of it as more of a topping. The perfect candy is crunchy, with no grittiness, and numerous inclusions.
Cookie
Big. I like enormous and chewy cookies. Inclusions are critical, but it's a fine line between a nice dose of chocolate chips and too many. I'm not a huge fan of sugar cookies because they're too plain; I prefer chocolate chip or peanut butter. Raisins are an abomination.
Cookie Dough
Dad completely failed to instill a fear of salmonella. I prefer my cookie dough to be buttery and just a little gritty. Oatmeal isn't great because it's dry and raw until baked. The perfect cookie dough is probably a chocolate chip cookie dough.
Dad completely failed to instill a fear of salmonella. I prefer my cookie dough to be buttery and just a little gritty. Oatmeal isn't great because it's dry and raw until baked. The perfect cookie dough is probably a chocolate chip cookie dough.
Custard
The real trick to custard is a flawless, silk consistency. This is an instance where I don't mind a single note dessert, as long as the mouthfeel is perfect. Because I'm an ex-Boy Scout, the perfect custard is any crème brûlée variant; a blowtorch is in no way Freudian!
The real trick to custard is a flawless, silk consistency. This is an instance where I don't mind a single note dessert, as long as the mouthfeel is perfect. Because I'm an ex-Boy Scout, the perfect custard is any crème brûlée variant; a blowtorch is in no way Freudian!
Ice Cream
It should surprise no one that I strongly prefer plain vanilla ice cream, perhaps with M&Ms mixed in. I don't like nuts or fruit. Ice cream should be free of grit or chewy bits (excluding brownie bites).
It should surprise no one that I strongly prefer plain vanilla ice cream, perhaps with M&Ms mixed in. I don't like nuts or fruit. Ice cream should be free of grit or chewy bits (excluding brownie bites).
Pastry
Cream puffs are perfect. The challenge is finding the right ratio of the perfect, vanilla custard (never pudding) filling and the perfect, eggy pastry shell. Pastry is only at its best seconds out of the oven.
Cream puffs are perfect. The challenge is finding the right ratio of the perfect, vanilla custard (never pudding) filling and the perfect, eggy pastry shell. Pastry is only at its best seconds out of the oven.
Pie
I hate crust. I have never had the perfect crust. It needs to be slightly sweet, toasty, and super thin. Unfortunately, I have only managed to produce thick, doughy, floury crusts. Filling... I think I prefer a custard, but it needs to be icy cold and silky. Meringue is a must.
I hate crust. I have never had the perfect crust. It needs to be slightly sweet, toasty, and super thin. Unfortunately, I have only managed to produce thick, doughy, floury crusts. Filling... I think I prefer a custard, but it needs to be icy cold and silky. Meringue is a must.
Kim recently bought butter in blocks instead of sticks. I feel your pain, quite literally, in my heart.
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